It's not me, It's you

My skin, my shirt, my skirt, my shoes
“Your begging them to look at you”
My hair, My ass, My mouth, My tongue
“It’s harmless, he’s just having fun”
My work, my street, my apartment
“You should take it as a compliment”
I’m scared, I’m angry, I’m anxious, I’m sad
“Oh stop whining it’s not that bad”
Refuse abuse, Detail the damage
“Go in the kitchen and make me a sandwich”
Fighting back, Taking a stand
“She just needs to get a man”
Target, Victim, Battered, Dead
“She probably shouldn’t have worn red”

The Pain is a Utility

The rafters of you packed up tight
With all that has been lost
And even now a glaring sun
feels slightly tinged with frost
You turn now to repression
To keep yourself afloat
But still even a passing thought
Makes a lump rise in your throat
Do not run from sadness
For it can always find you
Take sometime to feel it
So it cannot keep and bind you
Your tears will try to wash it
To force it to the surface
The pain is a utility
The anguish has a purpose

Future

Creep slowly or he'll hear you
your heart as it is thudding
Your blood rushes so hard
in your ears it sounds like flooding
Your skin so tight and anxious
that the air seems it could burn it
The front door handle looms
but there's too much fear to turn it
You think you hear approaching steps
certain he is lurking
The sounds that pour from quiet
leave you swiveling and jerking
Your stomach is a gymnast
your knees feel weak as straw
You grab the handle tightly
like the clenching of your jaw
You ease the door to open
and run forth toward your future
You may still hold the scars
but there will be no more sutures

Defeater

The gargantuan footsteps
I have made in my sleep
Turn into promises
I have failed to keep
I need to do more
I want to do better
but my heavy mind
is an anchor, a tether
Reaching and stretching
almost torn to shreds
I swear to reanimate
dreams that lay dead
a perilous ledge
upon which I teeter
My quivering mind
my greatest defeater

Shrinking Voice

The terror of a step
the shrinking of a voice
When pushed into the dark
When your fear had forced a choice

A day that's fraught with questions
that not a one can answer
When sunlight feels like nudity
when dreams feel like a cancer

You want life to be more
you want things to be better
yet getting out of bed
is an insurmountable endeavor

So you seethe each day with hope
and mourn the time that slips away
Listening for that shrinking voice's words
"It's time, Let's go, Today."

When We Began to Roar

The idea of her was whispers
told in boxy chambers
The conclusion unavoidable
and who could really blame her

Once power killed compassion
and the weak were left to languish
and towering bleached statues
smirked upon their anguish

She rose from scalding fires
she brushed away the ash
refusing mere perceptions
such as apron, gown or sash

Her heart gave her the bravery
but her mind gave her a sword
No more could she allow
the future we were moving toward

So the fight was started quietly
and grew into a din
For only those who led with love
could ever hope to win

The Endless Round

My thoughts like a pugilist
knocking me airless
my thoughts are so heavy
but my actions are careless
Ducking and swaying
and doing the dance
but I still feel the blows
and the dumbfounded trance
can't get my focus
can't dodge the fist
the mat is so bloody
from the knuckles I've kissed
but I must stand again
cause the bell just won't sound
and perhaps lumps and gashes
are where answers are found
so I rise once again
and I let the hits come
for this all will resolve
when the pain has gone numb

Hollow

Full of feelings I have no names for
Painted memories I have no frames for
Stains of past and dregs of future
The drops of blood that escape the suture
Leaving trails, marking paths
Reducing me to just two halves
Missing nothing yet still empty
still the hollow won't exempt me
Tears still shed, heart still broken
The smile I wear a worthless token

The Most Important Questions- A Rare Disease Day poem

When you stare into nothing what do you see?
Do you think of the person that you used to be?
Are you wondering in time just what you'll become?
Do you think of the day that this fight will be done?
Do you dwell on the memories of what made you smile?
Do you miss all the words you've not said in awhile?
Do you miss that though wobbly your legs could once run?
How many times have you redefined fun?
Do you even know you're the meaning of brave?
Do you lose hope, like me, that you still can be saved?
Is it wrong that I ask that you always return,
So that through your example I continue to learn?
Patience and value for each gifted minute
Joy and connection and love with no limit
Just how do you do it, Also how can I?
But most of all how do I get through goodbye?

I Am She

I am she who wields the sword
to fight the rut
to cut the cord
to dominate my universe
to carve the path
I shall traverse

I am she who casts the spell
to turn my mind
away from hell
to find joy in the tiny places
and see the love
that hides in faces

I am she who bears the load
who likes to choose
the untread road
life's lessons guide me ever farther
when life gets hard
I get harder

I am she who roots in love
who digs in deep
removes the gloves
I shed the cage that holds my heart
I'll risk the chance
it's torn apart

Seek

Embody the magic within you
Go conquer and conjure and fly
There isn't a thing that you can't do
Except for the things you don't try
Go travel the ways of your spirit
Find it's freedom and make it your own
It's calling you now can't you hear it?
and if you must go it alone
Don't be the size others make you
Instead be the size of your dreams
It's not up to others to take you
For we each swim within our own streams
So go find your way to the river
The place where you truly feel whole
Til your there you may stumble and shiver
but the finish is where lies your soul

Regression

As the swallowed sun turns the light to dusk
And the day slowly sheds its crackling husk
The dark sneaks swiftly, glaring so
like a rasping beast at a mortal foe
Threatening the peace of a well spent time
Where alone and afraid conquer reason,rhyme
So your breath draws quick like a slicing blade
and you think the thoughts that your mind forbade
For the madness took so long to heal
and your smiling face hid the things you'd feel
But the ink of night edges closer still
'til it crushes light and it strangles will
So you curl up tightly and tuck your head
And you cry what tears there are to shed
Then your body gives and you find your sleep
though your certain still that the monsters creep
Any moment now your skin will be shorn
but your opening eyes show a rising morn

Solace

Crawl into my arms
Safe from all the others
Hidden from the harm
Just forget how life can smother
Bring me all your tears
I'll wipe them from your eyes
The guilt, regret, and fear
that leaves you paralyzed
I'll hold you close to me
til all the tears have cried
and search then for the you
that has languished deep inside

Since then

How barren is the meadow
that once did bloom with dreams
The nights once filled with music
now raucous with my screams
The days once light with breezes
now howl with brutal wind
The blankets worn in comfort
now tattered, torn, and thin
The tears are ever flowing
where smiles would once alight
My arms now filled with empty
have lost their will to fight
I have no expectation
that more shall come then doom
So here I'll wilt and wither
my happiness entombed

Song lyrics: Lately

Sometimes I feel like the world is always smiling
Most times I feel like the world is usually lying
Maybe someone somewhere really wants to help you
But I say while I wait I'm gonna see what I can do

Lately, I don't even bother
Lately, I need escape like I need water
Lately, I've just been climbing
Cause Baby I hit the bottom with the very worst of timing

Sometimes I think that I could really fake it
Most times fake walls me in and I just can't take it
Sometimes deception can make you oh so couth
Most times all I want is just a little truth
-----------------------------------------------

Now Go Sing Along!

The Stars

I miss the stars when I'm in the city replaced by the manmade, manpowered replicas Vainly removing the universe from our sight folding our minds into little boxes where we spend our days hoping for more, pleading for something bigger And so we receive it, as food, not for our minds but for our bellies, our girth As drinks, not for our thirst, but our depleted energy our bodies grow larger, Our needs grow larger The waxing desire to break free and the waning desire to release all we have accumulated Until we abandon it entirely, shutting ourselves away from the things that could free us from this cycle Only realizing at moments of extreme duress that we have accumulated the wrong things The things other have told us to. Just enough to leave us incomplete and wanting more Just enough for us to remain under the false stars I miss the stars when I'm in the city. Do you?