Corners

I have lost you to the corners
gone without a reason
a fresh and brutal pain
every sunrise, every season

Your face lives on the walls
regardless of location
from new to old I go
such a bitter salutation

You are heard, and seen, and felt
with each one of my moments
but in such a foreign fashion
the ache for you, so potent

I have found you in the corners
I sense that you stay near
An everlasting feeling
so present and so clear

The Jester

The jester appears with his harlequin sleeves
The crowd has now gathered up to the eaves
They await his act gasping, then holding their air
His jingling hat ringed with fiery hair

He tumbles so drunkenly, yet never falls
He points and he sneers, looking sad then appalled
The spectators grasping so tightly their sides
The laughter it floods like a leveling tide

He hands the girls roses and coyly he smiles
The men see their maidens blush all the while
They shake their fists sternly then laugh just the same
The jester he revels in a common man’s fame

He once had such promise, born for the stage
Yet his backstage transgressions elicited rage
He used his coy smile to coax many a patron
And finally soiled the name of a maiden

Her father a powerful town benefactor
He glazed him in red as he hung from a rafter
Once he was cut down his beauty was marred
His body was bloody his face was left scarred

So now he would dance and play to the masses
Joke with the lads and flirt with the lasses
He could conjure a smile that gave all folks their jollies
For not one here knew his most wanton of follies

Claimed

Sworn in blood
but not their own
the pact was sealed
the lever thrown
Slamming cages
securing chains
the bait has worked
we have been claimed

The Pain is a Utility

The rafters of you packed up tight
With all that has been lost
And even now a glaring sun
feels slightly tinged with frost
You turn now to repression
To keep yourself afloat
But still even a passing thought
Makes a lump rise in your throat
Do not run from sadness
For it can always find you
Take sometime to feel it
So it cannot keep and bind you
Your tears will try to wash it
To force it to the surface
The pain is a utility
The anguish has a purpose

Defeater

The gargantuan footsteps
I have made in my sleep
Turn into promises
I have failed to keep
I need to do more
I want to do better
but my heavy mind
is an anchor, a tether
Reaching and stretching
almost torn to shreds
I swear to reanimate
dreams that lay dead
a perilous ledge
upon which I teeter
My quivering mind
my greatest defeater

A Parting of Ways

His knuckles white with sentiment
for the love had long since died
but the pain of it was evident
as he held the rose and cried

She slipped away without a tear
as he helplessly lamented
His empty gestures all those years
half-heartedly presented

He had given all the things
they said a woman wanted
Flowers, dinners, sparkly rings
Now atop her vanity haunted

He did not know a life without
a lady left in waiting
One who would not cry or pout
from occasional berating

One who always jumped to meet
His every beck and call
One who felt a love so sweet
when it was not there at all

She had tired deep inside
of endless hope and trying
The man she chose to stand beside
silent and complying

She had been spent, ignored and used
yet paraded at his whim
and though her flesh was unabused
it may as well have been

She felt it in her body
when 'ere he cut her down
His manner cruel and haughty
like he scraped her from the ground

So with the clothes upon her
she told him she was leaving
She had never been so sure
her defiance left him seething

He screamed at her initially
mockingly he pleaded
She carried on officially
and his anger soon receded

She swung aside the heavy door
and there a car was waiting
He grabbed a rose, as to implore
but his tears, to her, were grating

She climbed inside the taxi
and felt a freedom grow within
Now he could finally see
what it was like to be with him

Facadic Bridges

We all have thoughts within our heads
that are wild and weird and loud
but we fear we would be judged and shunned
if we spoke our thoughts out loud

A fantasy or theory
that seems so very foreign
it surely would be met with looks
and words inciting torment

We are not sure if we believe
and yet they are recurring
but we dare not let it trickle out
lest others start inferring

A meaning or interpretation
read upon their faces
A horror they have gleaned from words
that represent just traces

A statement sought within your brain
that's aching to be born
Interpreted as hateful
as ignorance, as porn

Is the truth in their reactions
one that we cannot accept
or is the chasm that's between us
been deceitful of its depth

On this there's no authority
for your brain is your own
So we choose facadic bridges
rather then face life alone

Hollow

Full of feelings I have no names for
Painted memories I have no frames for
Stains of past and dregs of future
The drops of blood that escape the suture
Leaving trails, marking paths
Reducing me to just two halves
Missing nothing yet still empty
still the hollow won't exempt me
Tears still shed, heart still broken
The smile I wear a worthless token

Betrayal

Undaunted I stare at you
try not to glare at you
Hoping my look is conveying enough

Your story jumps here to there
Alibi in disrepair
knowing full well I am poised to rebuff

You've underestimated
Just why I've hesitated
Let you exhaust your most fraudulent tongue

Despite what you've spoken
The bond is now broken
Of all of the words you've said I believe none

Figurehead

Clawless and clueless
he swipes at his prey
but somehow they feared him
and all shrank away

Giving their power
for it seemed of no use
they abided the roaring
and took the abuse

He wanted to lead them
they all fell in line
not seeing the danger
though they would in time

They blocked the cave mouth
please don't go inside
but they were the victims
of their fears and their pride

So into the maw
they all seemed to vanish
and those who would help
were chastised and banished

In darkness they cowered
convinced by his roar
not realizing there was
no light anymore

The Most Important Questions- A Rare Disease Day poem

When you stare into nothing what do you see?
Do you think of the person that you used to be?
Are you wondering in time just what you'll become?
Do you think of the day that this fight will be done?
Do you dwell on the memories of what made you smile?
Do you miss all the words you've not said in awhile?
Do you miss that though wobbly your legs could once run?
How many times have you redefined fun?
Do you even know you're the meaning of brave?
Do you lose hope, like me, that you still can be saved?
Is it wrong that I ask that you always return,
So that through your example I continue to learn?
Patience and value for each gifted minute
Joy and connection and love with no limit
Just how do you do it, Also how can I?
But most of all how do I get through goodbye?

Self Inflicted

Its a normal day
so they like to say
but the memories come
and they cause dismay

All the moments lost
hold a greater cost
like a magic lamp
that was found then tossed

So the tears they verge
but I don't deserve
the release that's felt
from a cleansing purge

So I breath most deep
so the sobs will keep
and the slippery slope
grows so starkly steep

Now the light that falls
kind of creeps and crawls
Maybe someday soon
it won't hurt at all

Solace

Crawl into my arms
Safe from all the others
Hidden from the harm
Just forget how life can smother
Bring me all your tears
I'll wipe them from your eyes
The guilt, regret, and fear
that leaves you paralyzed
I'll hold you close to me
til all the tears have cried
and search then for the you
that has languished deep inside

Since then

How barren is the meadow
that once did bloom with dreams
The nights once filled with music
now raucous with my screams
The days once light with breezes
now howl with brutal wind
The blankets worn in comfort
now tattered, torn, and thin
The tears are ever flowing
where smiles would once alight
My arms now filled with empty
have lost their will to fight
I have no expectation
that more shall come then doom
So here I'll wilt and wither
my happiness entombed

Wobegone

Prop me up today
I feel I've reached my limit
Make it go away
before I'm swallowed up within it
Hide me in a cave
and seal it with a boulder
It's solitude I crave
as the frozen world gets colder
Drop me from a plane
into a thick deep wood
So I can shed the pain
and remember what is good
Shoot me to a star
so I can miss the soil
where I'll be out too far
to resent the mortal coil

Unrequited

Please just let me fall
it won't hurt
you won't feel a thing
The waves will swallow me
the clouds will float me into the stratosphere
I will dance through my days
and sing loudly to anyone who will listen
don't kill the music, not yet
I will live a life story in my mind
an instant classic of adventure and undying love
the kind that makes heroes real
and everyone is beautiful and good
don't write The End, not yet
I will climb mountains
swim oceans
slay dragons
wander through the desert or the deep dark wood
all in your honor
heralding my love for you
don't leave me stranded, not yet
Please just let me fall
you won't feel a thing
I promise

Song lyrics: Moments I forget

There's always gonna be the moments that I forget
that you ain't here with me I don't believe it yet
How do I get through this
How do I learn to live without
There's always gonna be the moments you should have seen

Maybe your out of pain
maybe your in a better place
None of it means a thing
when all I want is to see your face

There's always gonna be your voice inside my head
despite the pain I feel and all those tears I may shed
I know it's not the same
but it just might keep me sane
There's always gonna be a place for us in dreams
--------------------------------------------------

Click here to hear it!

Tradition part 3

Here is Part 1 if you haven't read it yet!

And Here is part 2!


When I awoke, I felt restored in spite of my wounds, and a feeling of lightness spread over me. I was free. My duty had been done and was successful. I even laughed out loud with a sort of giddiness that made me feel a little uncomfortable after it was over. I exited the cave and found my bag and coverings behind the rock where I had left them. My love’s remains were gone, I had hoped to perhaps bury them, but a part of me wondered if it wasn’t some trick of the beast that had materialized her in the first place. I donned my gear and began my journey back. It was still morning, and there was a bright sun that shone with a warmth that had been absent the day before. The forest sang with life, and the sound of drops from the melting snow played a sort of music to accompany my walk.

I stopped halfway through and ate the remaining third of my meal from the previous day. I relived my triumph with each bite. Once I was finished and refilled with pride, I carried on. As the sinking sun dropped purple curtain across the sky, I reached the cabin and was greeted with a raucous noise. The celebration which had been hesitantly waiting to begin exploded upon my arrival. The joy on their faces reflected my own and some even surpassed it. There were copious amounts of food, music, and dancing. I even saw some mothers clutching their young sons and crying.

One of the elders who had trained me sidled up to me when things had quieted a bit and asked how it had gone. I relayed my story, leaving out the presence of my dream girl. He smiled proudly and clapped me on the back, but I could see a disappointment in his eyes. I asked what troubled him, and he simply said, “Do not despair. Just promise you will help train the next appointee.” “Of course!” I replied. He simply nodded his head and moved off to talk to some other revelers. I was then swept off to a warm bath in the cottage. As the layers from my journey dissolved into the bath, I watched the water, dirt and blood combine into a color not unlike the beast. I shuddered within, and despite the shedding of my travels in this tub I knew that I would not get over this experience quickly.

An older woman brought me to the backyard near the fire to rinse off the residue of the bath. As she dumped the warm water over my head, it rained over me like a wave of comfort. The warm feeling spread, and I bowed my head to let it wash over me. I watched the ground as she poured the third and final bucket over me and saw the remnants of the cave forming a swirl within the puddles of water that had formed. Then I noticed a glob no larger than a bubble, and perhaps it was a bubble after all, but it seemed more solid then that. I was fully shivering now, not because of the cold air, but because the idea of bringing any piece of that beast back with me seemed like a betrayal of reality.

The woman wrapped a warm blanket around me and led me inside. I sat thinking of the bubble and realized that I had not defeated the monster at all. I had only killed it. I had killed it and then given it the means to return. My blood was all over that cave, moist and red. This was the vehicle it needed to return. I was its new creator. It was then that I realized my true role, that I was a part of a cycle now, a cycle that brought nightmares, pain, and despair; a cycle that resulted in the heroes and their victories becoming fodder for the next revolution to progress. An ever rolling wheel that turns flesh to dust, then mud, then flesh again.

A (hopefully) brief word on condolences

During meditation thought popped into my head about people and how they react to others tragedies. After the loss of my mother I was inundated by the kind words of others and they were all well meant. No comes the part were I sound like an ungrateful bitch. Not one condolence type thing that anyone said made me feel any better. Some even made me feel worse or bitter or like screaming in the person's face. The best thing that happened after she passed was visiting with my aunt and hearing great stories I had never heard about nice things she had done for her siblings or others or funny stories about her ( she was pretty funny) or just general reminiscing kind of stories. Also the thing that helped was having a sympathetic ear and feeling compassion from people strongly enough that now words were required. I know that you don't have that kind of bond or connection with everyone but some coworkers just dropped a card and flowers for me on my return to work and not a word was said. It was the perfect way to address that situation in my opinion. No long conversations to dredge it all up and bring me to tears just a heads up that they cared. Those were the sentiments that helped me the most. I know everyone is different and perhaps my keep away sign is all my own but there are no words that can be said that will make anything like that all better. At least not for me.