The Most Important Questions- A Rare Disease Day poem

When you stare into nothing what do you see?
Do you think of the person that you used to be?
Are you wondering in time just what you'll become?
Do you think of the day that this fight will be done?
Do you dwell on the memories of what made you smile?
Do you miss all the words you've not said in awhile?
Do you miss that though wobbly your legs could once run?
How many times have you redefined fun?
Do you even know you're the meaning of brave?
Do you lose hope, like me, that you still can be saved?
Is it wrong that I ask that you always return,
So that through your example I continue to learn?
Patience and value for each gifted minute
Joy and connection and love with no limit
Just how do you do it, Also how can I?
But most of all how do I get through goodbye?

Name

I don't know what's worse the churning or blushing
I see you approach and my blood sets to rushing
a thirst or a hunger I can't quite explain it
the feeling I'm feeling I can't even name it
a twisting, a pulling a fever, a swelling
my mouth never speaks but my body is telling
I know that you must know but its never mentioned
and so I remain in this state of suspension
my mind says go for it then no don't you dare
so there I stand melting and locked in a stare
you leave once again and my heart drops in shame
perhaps someday soon you'll at least know my name

In The Deep Woods

In the deep woods
she hatches and cries
and crawls for the very first time
In the deep woods
she is honed from the dirt
she is wrapped in the leaves and the vines
In the deep woods
her voice how it bellows
her spine, how it seems to unbend
In the deep woods
she is cleansed by the rainfall
her fear blows away in the wind
In the deep woods
her words grow the flowers
her spirit runs wild as the wolves
In the deep woods
her will is the oak
and her heart is the pounding of hooves
In the deep woods
she is rooted so deeply
she flies to the tops of the trees
In the deep woods
her soul is reborn
she is beautiful, mighty and free

I Am She

I am she who wields the sword
to fight the rut
to cut the cord
to dominate my universe
to carve the path
I shall traverse

I am she who casts the spell
to turn my mind
away from hell
to find joy in the tiny places
and see the love
that hides in faces

I am she who bears the load
who likes to choose
the untread road
life's lessons guide me ever farther
when life gets hard
I get harder

I am she who roots in love
who digs in deep
removes the gloves
I shed the cage that holds my heart
I'll risk the chance
it's torn apart

Just Words

I fasten new meaning to innocent words
the things that they said aren't the things that I heard
my mind seems intent on hostile derivation
assuming the worst without hesitation
a drop of sarcasm a smidgen of spite
a simply spoke syllable didn't sound right
contemptuous consonants, volatile vowels
I feel the fury boil up from my bowels
the obvious judgement that sits on their face
oh how I long to put them in their place
the smiles fade too quickly becoming a smirk
it takes a saint to hold back from these jerks
just as my spine is shored up for attack
I breathe for a moment and take a step back
despite the sincerity they have or have not
what lured me to this trap in which I've been caught?
the impact imagined, the ire misplaced
they don't get to choose if I will be disgraced
I am the owner of these very ears
I am the curator of what sounds they hear
so I block out the angry the rude and absurd
and all that remains are quite simply just words

Honeymoon

Oh lover, the days that the sun was so bright
and we ran through the meadows hands clasping so tight
The days seemed unending yet the nights were much more
The safety of darkness, the bed and the floor
Unfettered our passion, Unshackled our hearts
Exploring our threshholds as we took them apart
The veils we erected were now torn away
we lost track of time, of night and of day
we built our own kingdom again and again
for the world could no longer keep shutting us in
dreams were alive and fantasy walked
and music was made when e'er we talked
Your hands oh so gently holding my face
my eyes were done searching my heart found its place
profoundly we loved every inch of each other
'til life crept back in and our flame was then smothered
the trappings of humans had caught up at last
our time as divine ones had now become past
never again were our naked souls shown
a tragedy written by our hearts alone

Alarm

The yawn of boredom the alarm
The day we live grows very late
We fear the loss we fear the harm
and the happening on which we wait
Willing victims we are in time
even the sunshine is a curse
our spirits scream and weep and pine
o'er the stagnation we proudly nurse
only seized by fear and anger
not the sea and stars and sky
everyday we feel in danger
though we cannot be sure why
feed your mind a different flavor
something happy something sweet
there still are moments yet to savor
there still are journeys in your feet
jump and climb and go exploring
scare yourself and hug your friends
hear the way that life's imploring
for even great tales have an end

Seek

Embody the magic within you
Go conquer and conjure and fly
There isn't a thing that you can't do
Except for the things you don't try
Go travel the ways of your spirit
Find it's freedom and make it your own
It's calling you now can't you hear it?
and if you must go it alone
Don't be the size others make you
Instead be the size of your dreams
It's not up to others to take you
For we each swim within our own streams
So go find your way to the river
The place where you truly feel whole
Til your there you may stumble and shiver
but the finish is where lies your soul

Duck

A butterfly named Beulah was flitting all around
She went from flower to flower floating 'cross the ground
She spotted some chrysanthemums and settled for a snack
But as she started sipping she heard a lonely quack
She peeked over the petals and saw the yellow fluff
She wasn't sure just what it was she'd never seen that stuff
The little duckling saw her and so he quacked again
But butterflies were loners and rarely made new friends
He did look oh so snuggly like clouds or moss or fur
But Beulah knew of danger so still she wasn't sure
He blinked his little eyes at her and tilted his soft head
She poised herself to fly away but drifted down instead
Just then a bird came swooping in and snatched the butterfly
The duckling was so startled that he then started to cry
His Mama waddled over and nuzzled his soft face
He said "Oh Mama this time I was sure I'd get a taste!"

Infatuation

You just cannot help it though you try as you can
Your mind falls upon them again and again
A vision unshaken that sneaks in your mind
A magical creature the first of their kind
A light shines within them a sparkle a flame
The tales in your mind and your heart aren’t the same
Your eyes see a person your heart sees a dream
Your memory paints them in ways you’ve not seen
Your mind can’t stop going to that place they exist
It’s relentless unbridled yet only a tryst

The Work of Art

A head holds words as can a page
Of any color and any age
A galaxy or grain of sand
A cannon or a shaky hand
But with these worlds come other thoughts
of times we blushed and times we fought
When devastation was our flavor
be it choked upon or swished and savored
So then blue skies become monsoons
and manors become tiny rooms
much like the dust upon our shelves
the walls that stand we built ourselves
Time now to lay askew the stones
that snare our souls and bind our bones
Our minds are meant to drift and soar
not fester chained to others bore
We've suffered sin and forged our follies
Faked our smiles through others jollies
but now we heal through reckoning
the truth in you is beckoning
so find the art that lives inside
and tell us why you've smiled or cried
it's not a burden you must hold
release and let your wings unfold

Roles

You are a servant, I am a tyrant
I am assertive, You are compliant
You tend to wallow, I tend to simmer
I seem to ignite, You seem to shimmer
You long for peace, I long for justice
I am the canines, You are the bicuspids
You are the soldier, I am the queen
I am the dirty, You are the clean
You are the hoping, I am the knowing
I am the brandished, You are the glowing

Conquer

Kick in the door
Enter with purpose
Ready yourself
Ring up the circus
You know what to do
Let’s get this thing going
Hold tightly to you
Resist to and fro-ing
Excise all the doubters
No need to abide
Know that the pouters
Only stand with their pride

Becoming

The mask has slipped
The covering torn
so tightly gripped
so avidly worn
but then a breeze
a patch of light
it's shed with ease
no more a fight
The costume falls
the bareness felt
A new form calls
No clasp no belt
Free and flowing
Wild and strong
A look of knowing
A magic song
A step toward power
So unashamed
Feel them glower
then step again

Self Inflicted

Its a normal day
so they like to say
but the memories come
and they cause dismay

All the moments lost
hold a greater cost
like a magic lamp
that was found then tossed

So the tears they verge
but I don't deserve
the release that's felt
from a cleansing purge

So I breath most deep
so the sobs will keep
and the slippery slope
grows so starkly steep

Now the light that falls
kind of creeps and crawls
Maybe someday soon
it won't hurt at all

Regression

As the swallowed sun turns the light to dusk
And the day slowly sheds its crackling husk
The dark sneaks swiftly, glaring so
like a rasping beast at a mortal foe
Threatening the peace of a well spent time
Where alone and afraid conquer reason,rhyme
So your breath draws quick like a slicing blade
and you think the thoughts that your mind forbade
For the madness took so long to heal
and your smiling face hid the things you'd feel
But the ink of night edges closer still
'til it crushes light and it strangles will
So you curl up tightly and tuck your head
And you cry what tears there are to shed
Then your body gives and you find your sleep
though your certain still that the monsters creep
Any moment now your skin will be shorn
but your opening eyes show a rising morn

Solace

Crawl into my arms
Safe from all the others
Hidden from the harm
Just forget how life can smother
Bring me all your tears
I'll wipe them from your eyes
The guilt, regret, and fear
that leaves you paralyzed
I'll hold you close to me
til all the tears have cried
and search then for the you
that has languished deep inside

Since then

How barren is the meadow
that once did bloom with dreams
The nights once filled with music
now raucous with my screams
The days once light with breezes
now howl with brutal wind
The blankets worn in comfort
now tattered, torn, and thin
The tears are ever flowing
where smiles would once alight
My arms now filled with empty
have lost their will to fight
I have no expectation
that more shall come then doom
So here I'll wilt and wither
my happiness entombed

Star

A tarnished star that hides its shine
full of joy despite its woe
a rare soul, one that magic finds
you n'er believe that it will go

I pray my star will not extinguish
but blink for eons since I've gone
My admiration will n'er diminish
within its heart I will live on

Wobegone

Prop me up today
I feel I've reached my limit
Make it go away
before I'm swallowed up within it
Hide me in a cave
and seal it with a boulder
It's solitude I crave
as the frozen world gets colder
Drop me from a plane
into a thick deep wood
So I can shed the pain
and remember what is good
Shoot me to a star
so I can miss the soil
where I'll be out too far
to resent the mortal coil

The Waking Day

As the sky glows a light blue from its bottom
a new day comes
Not promised and yet it comes gloriously
The darkness dissipates inch by inch
A lone star shines proudly, still open for wishes
I realize there is no dread or worry in this moment
A once rare gift this feeling
Hope, as bright as that star
Happiness, as rich as the blue transitioning the night to dawn
It brandishes itself on the precipice of the day
Dancing on the wire that connects fleeting time and new purpose
Pushing me to make new promises
the ones I could never keep before

Blossom

Bloom my darlings
burst forth your colors
reveal your offerings to the world
Spread you fragrance far and wide
Mystify them with its richness
satiate them with its graceful presence
Translate the miracle of sun and rain
reassure them of the benefits of both
Show them the beauty that dirt can produce
Dance lightly in the breezes
and furiously in the storms
Prove to them the possibility of survival
through all things
Sleep if you must when the cold and darkness
come again
But when spring returns to you
Don't be afraid to blossom

Unrequited

Please just let me fall
it won't hurt
you won't feel a thing
The waves will swallow me
the clouds will float me into the stratosphere
I will dance through my days
and sing loudly to anyone who will listen
don't kill the music, not yet
I will live a life story in my mind
an instant classic of adventure and undying love
the kind that makes heroes real
and everyone is beautiful and good
don't write The End, not yet
I will climb mountains
swim oceans
slay dragons
wander through the desert or the deep dark wood
all in your honor
heralding my love for you
don't leave me stranded, not yet
Please just let me fall
you won't feel a thing
I promise

Crush

My being gives a poetry, to your once artless world
Somehow just by knowing me your oyster now bears pearls
The thoughts of me that plague you have become your silver lining
You drift 'twixt life and daydreams, a victim to your pining
My words sit heavy in your mind, translated and decoded
Yet if the meaning spelled itself you still don't feel you'd know it
My nature unpredictable, as often is the weather
So lost in me you shall remain for now, perhaps forever

Ker

A simple scream can call her forth
no need for ornate rituals
but once you feel her savage force
the need becomes habitual
She has no need for your desire
she knows no vanity
The lust her presence can inspire
can cause calamity
Her gaze becomes a raging need
you cannot abandon
Her words more wise then you e'er could read
like God himself had planned them
She takes her leave most suddenly
never giving cause
Your left listless and slovenly
with what escaped her claws

Fragmented

I'm not used to this,
the feeling of an open wound
hemorrhaging and yearning for unguent calm
The feeling of a mannequin left naked in a main street window
The sagging wallpaper threatening to fall and expose my scribbles of madness
to a room full of prim and pomp
The heat leaves me writhing my clothes
The anxiety no longer needs this costume
The stray hair loosened from my meticulous bun,
savagely hanging, mocking
My sweet smile and tight neck challenge one another
The spreading pink hue of realization
emblazoned on my neck and chest
The betrayal of it all sinks deep inside

"Is anyone else warm?" has various meanings right now

'Can anyone else admit that playing a role for the sake of being liked and accepted is absolute fuckery and an abhorrent deviation of human nature?'
The wallpaper holds much more effectively then my tongue despite it's age, and mine.
I slip, I expose to them a true taste of who I really am.

The gasps are amusing, the sudden exodus a hilarity. The remaining solitude is golden.

Just the evening shadows and I, the way the universe intended.

The End is a Beginning

Perhaps I am still dreaming
since I've awakened just before
but the tears that now are streaming
say beyond you there's no more
No greater love is waiting
for you are resolution
for a hope that was degrading
with the earth's each revolution
Somehow at our first meeting
there was an inner knowing
Twas not just a completing
but a constant overflowing

Short and mushy part 2

Your smile like an awakening
a purpose found and filled
A potent joy that overwhelms
unwavering, undistilled
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When you're standing, it's majesty
When you're dancing, it's grace
When you're leaving, a travesty
When your gone I'm misplaced
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Lost and Found

A redundantly spent friday evening
as common as it’s boring
Just as I was set to leaving
a timeless love found snoring

An envelope sealed with a kiss
found lodged inside a wall
So sad to see this moment missed
a love unknown by all

A heart unfurled and waving proud
upon these yellow pages
A love that longed to live out loud
once lost amongst the ages

It spoke of lofty aspirations
of daydreams and of truth
Alas the senders inspirations
abandoned in this booth

A tale of times now long since passed
things proper and forbidden
Tumultuous and overcast
the pain had overridden

A heart can hope for happy ends
the mind sadly knows better
The marked sentiment one sends
within a farewell letter

Short and Mushy

Your love, like a crater
is so deep and so vast
it's cosmic in nature
and birthed from a blast

An impact upon me
that those who know, see
The chains once so heavy
now broken, I'm free


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A giggle is magic
A smile is divine
it conquers the tragic
that used to be mine

A kiss is fulfilling
A hug is the cure
for a past that was chilling
the futures now sure

Song lyrics: Moments I forget

There's always gonna be the moments that I forget
that you ain't here with me I don't believe it yet
How do I get through this
How do I learn to live without
There's always gonna be the moments you should have seen

Maybe your out of pain
maybe your in a better place
None of it means a thing
when all I want is to see your face

There's always gonna be your voice inside my head
despite the pain I feel and all those tears I may shed
I know it's not the same
but it just might keep me sane
There's always gonna be a place for us in dreams
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Song lyrics: Lately

Sometimes I feel like the world is always smiling
Most times I feel like the world is usually lying
Maybe someone somewhere really wants to help you
But I say while I wait I'm gonna see what I can do

Lately, I don't even bother
Lately, I need escape like I need water
Lately, I've just been climbing
Cause Baby I hit the bottom with the very worst of timing

Sometimes I think that I could really fake it
Most times fake walls me in and I just can't take it
Sometimes deception can make you oh so couth
Most times all I want is just a little truth
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