belief

I believe that there is an energy that we all have within us that connects
us to each other and the universe. I believe that that energy hooks us all together
And emits from our bodies. Our souls can feel each other when we are close
To each other. We can feel the happiness and sadness and anger and disappointment
that we spill forth. We put it out almost inflicting it on others. We don't realize or
intend to it just happens. We are not only made of this energy but also a location
from which it ebbs and flows. The more balanced we are the less of the negative
we inflict on others. Also this could help you process those vibes you get from others.
Rather then falling victim we can feel that emotion from our perspective. Perhaps, we
Could provide a solution through understanding and compassion. It's a theory worth
Testing I think.

mobile posting

So here I am posting on my smartest smart phone. Sweet

THIS YEAR WILL KICK ASS!!!!!

That's what we will tell ourselves. We're tired of being sad and thinking of all the things that we haven't done or haven't done right. All the things we've dreamed of that we haven't accomplished or now believe we can't accomplish have weighed on us for too long. This year we will do things that we've always wanted to do and never thought we could do. We're gonna crack open that hard shell we have made to show the world and say fuck it. We are who we are and if the current celebrities we have to work with are worth the general public's time and interest then so are we. It's time to say fuck the obstacles, fuck the haters, fuck the folks who don't wanna give us the time/love/attention/support/appreciation we deserve. Make your voice heard and your presence felt, make your mark on everything that you do. Have the pride for yourself that you've always been afraid to have, have the confidence in yourself that people who don't know you try to deny you. We've gotta find the time to do not only what we are good at but what we love to do. If you aren't skilled enough then practice, if your not smart enough then learn, and if your just plain mad at the world then lead by example instead of retribution. Let's teach the world about love and strength and power and grace. Let's do some trials by fire and let the burns we receive toughen us, instead of the bitterness and hate. Let's be brave or fearless even. Let's stop watching viral videos and become them. Let's be the people that people want to record cause we so awesome. Don't even think for a moment that you can't do this because there is a person you let out when your all alone, the one that dances in the mirror and sings silly songs and kisses themselves in the mirror. The person that has long deep imaginary conversations with people they admire or hate in their head. The person you dream of being or at least you wish you were more like every day. That's you! I hope to meet you in the coming year!

Celebrities...

Are shitheads. They allow some team of schmucks to come in and tell them what to look like, what to wear, sometimes even who to date and marry. I find it hard to believe that any dream life is worth that bullshit. I think that they hook you with the perks just enough to enslave you. They give you some of the good shit (money,freegifts,outfits onloan from top designers) asap then they hook you with that shit and you will do anything they ask thereafter. That's why many who start early are so fucked up later. They are convinced by those around them that any other way to live is bad. The star often ends up being shitty to those around them because they are not the big shit star they appear to be. They are beneath their agent or manager or whoever has the big job offer they want. They are always second in line to someone else. So when a normal Joe treats them like a normal joe the wrath is unrivaled in it's intensity. They need to feel more important to you cause at work they are not the top of the totem and everyone above them on the totem shits on them regularly. The reason that the celebrity is to blame is that they actually tolerate this shit. They ARE Shitheads.

The End

So I should write a book...

I mean the most vapid people in the world are doing it. Some of them have several. These fake ass celebrities that devour any sense of real life, the kind that poison people by being a role model. You know what though, it's not their fault. They wouldn't be famous unless some idiot hadn't said "I wanna be just like him/her." I want to be famous for nothing. Don't we all? I suppose my options are workout and use steroids until I look like a freak of nature, golddig to feed my habit of platic surgery until I look like a freak of nature, be trashy and constantly aggressive to people that don't deserve it or make a sextape with someone more famous then me. Strangely none of these things appeal to me. I guess the other route I could take is political wherein I would state random things like "Studies show that if you have sex before your married it could set off a nuclear warhead." These studies will have been conducted in my armaggedon dream world where I am lifted to Heaven while all those who saw things differently then are melted down in Satan's giant crock pot of doom. The sad thing is, some nutball would believe me and when they caught their daughter with her high school sweetheart would throw the entire family in the storm cellar filled with bottled water, toilet paper and Spam never to be heard from again. Perhaps this IS the way to go.

I*=whatever random propaganda they were convinced of by any of the following: Parents/Church/Slanted news media/classmates/hollywood/MTV/facebook/Sarah Palin

Discussions with friends

The thing I fear anytime I am unloading my crap onto a friends are these reactions:

Competition-as I talk about my issues they begin to prattle off their own to the point that it has trasformed into how much their life sucks then you have to try to edge your way back into the conversation. Then you feel like a bitch for redominating even though you intially had the floor.

Trying too hard to fix it for you-the crap receiver tries hard to find a solution to the point that you feel as though they are just trying to make the talk go away.

Cliche responses- I'm not talking the expected I'm sorry or that sucks but more along the lines of "well everything happens for a reason" or "think positive" I'm not buying it and it's not how I feel. If I'm even mentioning it chances are I tried those things already and it didn't work.

Passing out- it has happened before that I was opening up about something really deep and as I talked the person fell asleep. That's a pretty bad rejection.

I dedicate this post to those people who know how to listen and teach me how to listen better by example!!<3

Alter Ego

I need to create an alter ego. I actually need to create my old ego. The one that was funny and happy and rebellious and interesting and sexy and confident. Sorry to sound like a girl but I am not happy the way I am and I need to change. I want to shut down my facebook and quit my job and live in the woods as a survivalist at this point but I think it would turn into one of those moments that seemed like a good idea at the time. Instead, I think I will swear off something, maybe all internet aside from email for at least a week. Then I can tackle TV. I need to stop caring about what others think of me but more importantly I need to stop caring what I think of them. When you think of things like that it effects how you act also so fuck that. I think that most social networking is just banality that you don't like at work now available at home. I'd be better off just avoiding it. It actually makes me feel more out of touch with the world. It's time I went underground. My personality needs to be pulled from the ashes and rebuilt. I will be the new million dollar man. Check back for updates;-P