Celebrities...

Are shitheads. They allow some team of schmucks to come in and tell them what to look like, what to wear, sometimes even who to date and marry. I find it hard to believe that any dream life is worth that bullshit. I think that they hook you with the perks just enough to enslave you. They give you some of the good shit (money,freegifts,outfits onloan from top designers) asap then they hook you with that shit and you will do anything they ask thereafter. That's why many who start early are so fucked up later. They are convinced by those around them that any other way to live is bad. The star often ends up being shitty to those around them because they are not the big shit star they appear to be. They are beneath their agent or manager or whoever has the big job offer they want. They are always second in line to someone else. So when a normal Joe treats them like a normal joe the wrath is unrivaled in it's intensity. They need to feel more important to you cause at work they are not the top of the totem and everyone above them on the totem shits on them regularly. The reason that the celebrity is to blame is that they actually tolerate this shit. They ARE Shitheads.

The End

So I should write a book...

I mean the most vapid people in the world are doing it. Some of them have several. These fake ass celebrities that devour any sense of real life, the kind that poison people by being a role model. You know what though, it's not their fault. They wouldn't be famous unless some idiot hadn't said "I wanna be just like him/her." I want to be famous for nothing. Don't we all? I suppose my options are workout and use steroids until I look like a freak of nature, golddig to feed my habit of platic surgery until I look like a freak of nature, be trashy and constantly aggressive to people that don't deserve it or make a sextape with someone more famous then me. Strangely none of these things appeal to me. I guess the other route I could take is political wherein I would state random things like "Studies show that if you have sex before your married it could set off a nuclear warhead." These studies will have been conducted in my armaggedon dream world where I am lifted to Heaven while all those who saw things differently then are melted down in Satan's giant crock pot of doom. The sad thing is, some nutball would believe me and when they caught their daughter with her high school sweetheart would throw the entire family in the storm cellar filled with bottled water, toilet paper and Spam never to be heard from again. Perhaps this IS the way to go.

I*=whatever random propaganda they were convinced of by any of the following: Parents/Church/Slanted news media/classmates/hollywood/MTV/facebook/Sarah Palin

Discussions with friends

The thing I fear anytime I am unloading my crap onto a friends are these reactions:

Competition-as I talk about my issues they begin to prattle off their own to the point that it has trasformed into how much their life sucks then you have to try to edge your way back into the conversation. Then you feel like a bitch for redominating even though you intially had the floor.

Trying too hard to fix it for you-the crap receiver tries hard to find a solution to the point that you feel as though they are just trying to make the talk go away.

Cliche responses- I'm not talking the expected I'm sorry or that sucks but more along the lines of "well everything happens for a reason" or "think positive" I'm not buying it and it's not how I feel. If I'm even mentioning it chances are I tried those things already and it didn't work.

Passing out- it has happened before that I was opening up about something really deep and as I talked the person fell asleep. That's a pretty bad rejection.

I dedicate this post to those people who know how to listen and teach me how to listen better by example!!<3

Alter Ego

I need to create an alter ego. I actually need to create my old ego. The one that was funny and happy and rebellious and interesting and sexy and confident. Sorry to sound like a girl but I am not happy the way I am and I need to change. I want to shut down my facebook and quit my job and live in the woods as a survivalist at this point but I think it would turn into one of those moments that seemed like a good idea at the time. Instead, I think I will swear off something, maybe all internet aside from email for at least a week. Then I can tackle TV. I need to stop caring about what others think of me but more importantly I need to stop caring what I think of them. When you think of things like that it effects how you act also so fuck that. I think that most social networking is just banality that you don't like at work now available at home. I'd be better off just avoiding it. It actually makes me feel more out of touch with the world. It's time I went underground. My personality needs to be pulled from the ashes and rebuilt. I will be the new million dollar man. Check back for updates;-P

Let's see what happens...

Flailing in a sea of coarse realities, hope and dread are neck and neck, the day of telling is soon. The end, the beginning, the day I accept that life is the bane of my existence. Must I know, can't I just go on denying an awful truth? Is it worse if you know? Would that man have still died so soon if he hadn't known about the cancer? I always ask it. He was happy and at peace until he found out the awful truth, then everything fell apart. Life separates into columns and clumps of sense and reason versus emotion and optimism. You search for the information that builds the guillotine for your hope, you search to help and end up slaying optimism. The reality pushed upon you by the professionals, it's important to know, I suppose so that you can suffer appropriately. Loved and lost may not be as good as they say but I guess only time will tell.



*No, as far as I know noone has cancer or is even thought to possibly have cancer.

blahndom

Either sleep is overrated or life is overrated, I'm still trying to work out which

many of the woman of our current time period are normal weight to obese, but all the magazines and movies have these emaciated looking woman. Do you think that in the old european paintings they were also painting the opposite of their reality and that woman of that time period were actually horribly thin?

Is rich really as awesome as it sounds? I would say yes if you could use the money the way you wanted to.

People complain about how stupid and selfish Americans have become and then they go into a store and give shit to a kid who makes less in a year then they do in a month about some shit that is probably their fault anyways

sometimes i wonder how many people in the world have random sexual encounters with complete strangers, no strings attached on a daily basis

Ah lust...

Such a great and infantile emotion full or drama and turmoil. It can raise a person's emotions to dizzying heights or lower them to cavernous depths. I love the emotion lust. There are surprisingly few, well written songs about lust that I am aware of and some are by the most shameful artists for you to admit you have in your collection,even to your friends. Anyhoo I'm gonna try to write about something lustful right now (not naughty but emotional."

A look exchanged, a hidden smile
a voice with rasp, the face of guile
a secret word, an occluded touch
but ne'er a kiss, that'd be too much
a daydream sweet and tinged with want
it's more like teasing then a taunt
that rush of need, those butterflies
at just the sight of those wishful eyes
but it shall pass, just as before
just aftertaste and nothing more